New Beginnings

Several weeks ago I composed my last blog post. Or so I thought. I forwarded it to David for his opinion and he sweetly gave it. I did not agree and it has taken some time for me to come to the same conclusion he has. You see, I intended to close down my blog and start afresh. Anonymously. 


It has been a very difficult year for our family. Over this last year I would contemplate and process in my mind various posts that I desired to compose and publish but then nothing. As I verbalized my struggle to David regarding wanting to encourage both those in ministry and others, yet at the same time being very fearful of how it would be interpreted by those who knew me, I had stopped myself from blogging almost altogether. I wanted to be transparent but at the same time I hesitated, knowing that even if I am graciously transparent about struggles and wanting to encourage those around me, there would likely be someone who would read into my writings, assume I was referring to them, or perhaps judge me. 


Several years ago I developed the header, A Fishbowl Life, intending to start an anonymous blog somewhere on our world wide web. I never did. David explained to me that blogging anonymously takes away the personality of one's writings. I thought it provided safety. After much prayer, I realize that my writing does need to continue but will take a different road. I may occasionally post updates regarding the family but the focus will be on life in ministry, the church, struggles and scripture and how you as the reader can be an encouragement to those in your church and in your lives. We all need encouragement. 


I am reminded of the passage where Paul (I Cor 10:13) said that 

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.

What a wonderful reminder to know that in the midst of my struggles, there are others who can encourage me and shoulder my burden with me because what I struggle with is common to those around me! Why do we live in fear of sharing our struggles and asking for prayer? Why are we so good at putting on decorum and behaving as if we have it all together and "life is good"? Why are we so bent on making others believe we have perfectly well-behaved children instead of looking at them from the perspective that they are sinners just like me, with a heart just like mine and need Jesus just like I do? Why do we do this to one another? 


As the wife of a pastor, I live in a fishbowl. My family lives in this fishbowl with me and as much as I sometimes want to hide, it is impossible. My failures and successes, my good and bad attitudes, my tears and smiles...all is seen in a way that is different from the average person. There are many times I have asked the Lord to take me out of the fishbowl. Not just asked but begged. Yet I know this is where He wants us. In a place where my dependance is not on my abilities but His. Where I cannot hide but to be on display 

10 so that through the church the manifold wisdom of God might now be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly places. 11 This was according to the eternal purpose that he has realized in Christ Jesus our Lord, 12 in whom we have boldness and access with confidence through our faith in him....

14 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15 from whom every family  in heaven and on earth is named, 16 that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 19 and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.20 Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

I pray that through this little blog I may be a small encouragement to you that He is good and as we live daily and reflect Christ in our lives and in our churches, this is a testimony to both the spiritual beings and those around us. May He be glorified!